LINDSAY WINCHERAUK
  • LINDSAY
    • LINDSAY PAGE 1
    • 2: COMING
    • 3: IMAGES
    • 4: 6 PHOTOS + SOME WORDS
    • 5: BRAIN DROPPINGS
    • 6: DINNER DATE
    • 7: THE LAB
    • 8: SING
    • 9: TIME + PEOPLE + THINGS
  • DRIVING IN REVERSE
    • DIR: AUTHOR Q + A >
      • DIR: REVIEWS
      • DIR: ABOUT THE AUTHOR
      • DIR: CONTENTS
      • DIR Preface
      • DIR: WHO'S IN THE BOOK
      • DIR: WHERE TO BUY? >
        • DIR: WHERE TO BUY? CANADA
        • DIR: WHERE TO BUY? USA
        • DIR: SIGNED COPIES
      • DIR: WIN A COPY
      • LINDSAY: EVENTS 2021 >
        • LINDSAY: 2020
        • LINDSAY: 2019
        • DIR: 2018
      • DIR: ORDER MEDIA REVIEW COPIES
      • DIR: WHAT'S NEXT
    • DRIVING IN REVERSE: SNAPSHOTS >
      • PAGE 1 >
        • PAGE 2
        • PAGE 3
        • PAGE 4
        • PAGE 5
        • PAGE 6
        • PAGE 7
        • PAGE 8
        • PAGE 9
        • PAGE 10
      • PAGE 11 >
        • PAGE 12
        • PAGE 13
        • PAGE 14
        • PAGE 15
        • PAGE 16
        • PAGE 17
        • PAGE 18
        • PAGE 19
        • PAGE 20
      • PAGE 21 >
        • PAGE 22
        • PAGE 23
        • PAGE 24
        • PAGE 25
      • DIR CLIPPINGS >
        • DIR CLIPPINGS 2
        • DIR CLIPPINGS 3
        • DIR CLIPPINGS 4
  • GLUE
    • START
    • BEFORE FACING
    • CHAPTER 1 >
      • CHAPTER 2: IMPROBABLE
      • CHAPTER 3: GLUE
      • CHAPTER 4: WAKING
      • CHAPTER 5: BALANCE
      • CHAPTER 6: ENDING
      • CHAPTER 7: REWARD
      • CHAPTER 8: SPIN
      • CHAPTER 9: 155
      • CHAPTER 10: ACTION
    • CHAPTER 11: LOVING >
      • CHAPTER 12: BIZZARO
      • CHAPTER 14: MUM
      • CHAPTER 15: STRESS
      • CHAPTER 16: HOLD
      • CHAPTER 17: JIM
      • CHAPTER 18: ODE
      • CHAPTER 19: CLEAN SLATE
      • CHAPTER 20: A SHIRT'S TALE
    • CHAPTER 21: BREAKING >
      • CHAPTER 22: DOTS
      • CHAPTER 23: GAY BAR
      • CHAPTER 24: DOTS 2
      • CHAPTER 25: trish
      • CHAPTER 26: CLOSURE
      • CHAPTER 27: denial
      • CHAPTER 28: PUBLIC OFFICE
      • CHAPTER 29: BERT
      • CHAPTER 30: RITCHIE
    • CHAPTER 31: LOOSE ENDS >
      • CHAPTER 32: DISSEMINATION
      • CHAPTER 33: MAYBE
      • CHAPTER 34: LAUGH
      • CHAPTER 35: HERE
      • CHAPTER 36: WHERE ARE THEY NOW
      • CHAPTER 37: COMING
  • D. SAUCE
    • A: OFFER >
      • B: UNPACKING HISTORY - BROUGHTON
      • C: UNPACKING HISTORY - ASHEVILLE
      • D: A LOVE STORY
      • E: HEADING EAST TO ADVENTURE
      • F: HAROLD COURT WASN'T ALWAYS A HEARTLESS PRICK
      • G: PENELOPE + THE VEILED TREE
      • H: JARROD COURT - AN ODDLY GENUINE DUCK
      • I: ARMY LIFE
      • J: SHADOW PEOPLE
      • K: BOTTOM
      • L: LACY + TOMORROW - BAR HOPPING
      • M: BELINDA BLOWS A FUSE
    • N: UPRISING >
      • O: THE UNDERBELLY
      • P: TOXIC LOVE
      • Q: WHO AM I?
      • R: PLANNING THE PLAN
      • S: NEFARIOUS-ITY
      • T: GRIM REAPER
      • U: THE EYE OF THE STORM
      • V: COUP D'ÉTAT
      • W: COUNTDOWN
      • X: BLIND APATHY
      • Y: DIORAMA
      • Z: GOODBYE
    • a: closure >
      • b: sleep comes easy
  • 60
    • A 60-YEAR-OLD MAN RUNNING IN FLIP FLOPS >
      • COMMENCE >
        • 1. bible study >
          • 2. small talk
          • 3. social media
          • 4. amy schumer
          • 5. root canal
    • A 60-YEAR-OLD MAN WALKING >
      • 2021 VIRTUAL WALK >
        • 2021: i resolve
        • 2021 VW: January
        • 2021 VW: February
        • 2021 VW: March
        • 2021 VW: April
        • 2021 VW: May
        • 2021 VW: June
        • 2021 VW: July
        • 2021 VW: August
        • 2021 VW: September
        • 2021 VW: October
        • 2021 VW: November
        • 2021 VW: December
      • 2020: MOVEMENT COVID-2020
      • A GOAL WAS SET
      • SASKATOON
      • WALKING HOME
      • STROME
      • WALKING HOME PART 2
      • AMAZING STATS
      • STORYTIME PAGE 1
      • STORYTIME PAGE 2
      • 100 WORDS OR THEREABOUT
      • SCOTTY LARIN
      • GETTING PERSONAL
      • YOU GOTTA EAT
      • WE CHANGED
      • SIPS + FOOD OF THE WEEK
      • THE BONEYARD
      • WORDS
      • WE'D MAKE A PERFECT TEAM
    • A 60-YEAR-OLD MAN INTERPRETS THE BIBLE >
      • 1. GENESIS
  • VIDEO
    • QUICK RANTS
  • i think
    • ONCE UPON A TIME... >
      • LAUGH >
        • C1: PSA + COMFORT ZONE + CLIPBOARD...
        • C2: MARATHON + GARAGE SALE + TATTOO
        • C3: TRUMP + SAN JOSE + GUNS
        • C4: CYCLISTS + BRIDGE OVER + HAPPY 1st...
        • C5: MASTURBATION + PENIS PICTURES + LOVE MAKER
        • C6: CAT LADY + WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING + MY TATTOO
        • C7: HAND TEDDIES
        • C8:
        • C9:
        • C10:
      • ARC
      • MAYBE WHEN I HAVE GRANDCHILDREN >
        • C1: VANCOUVER MED
        • C2: GENERAL POPULATION
        • C3: BUCKET LIST
        • C4: NEXT OF KIN
        • C5: MONDAY WITH BERNIE
        • C6: PSA - HAPPY PILLS
        • C7: JEFFBO
        • C8: ALTHOUGH I AM CAUCASIAN
        • C9: YOU HAVE A GIRLS NAME
        • C10: LET THE GOOD + BAD FOLLOW CLOSELY BEHIND IN THE BAGGAGE CAR
      • POUTINE THE BOOK >
        • Poutine Pre-Drippings
        • Important Note
    • ME: AREN'T YOU LUCKY >
      • DARE TO DREAM >
        • HAUNTED FROM THE GRAVE
        • THE SPECIALISTS
        • FIRST TIME
      • do i look like a senior - a story >
        • Seed's Life: 1-5
        • 2 DEAD – 3 INJURED – LIFE PLANS: CANCELLED
        • 2016 WAS
    • HUMANITY + RACISM >
      • COVID-19: PSA - THE IDES OF MARCH >
        • DEAR SOCIAL MEDIA USERS
        • ARE WE THIS FLAWED?
        • kissa tanto
      • Blind Lady + Pants + Chicken + Mikes a... >
        • Just Don't Steal + I'm Not Chinese When I Drive
        • Panhandlers
        • ABAR
      • The Art of Human Interaction >
        • A CLIPBOARD PERSON MAY HAVE...
        • 24 HRS: A SHIRT'S TALE
    • WTF >
      • BLACK SHORTS + THE DISSEMINATION OF SOCIAL MEDIA - C1: HOT LEGS >
        • C2: OVERDOSE
        • C3: TRANSITIONING
        • C4: PENIS COOKIES
        • C5: SCRATCH and SNIFF
        • C6: DEMON CHASER
        • C7: DEMON CAUGHT
        • C8: REBIRTH
        • C9: FHCK
        • C10: PURGATORY
    • LIFE - HACKS + OTHER STUFF >
      • SMALL TALK
      • PONDER THIS
      • Random Thought or Suggestion
      • Seed's: Life Tip #1
    • 24 HOURS VANCOUVER >
      • 24 HRS: A SHIRT'S TALE >
        • 24: NO EXCUSES FOR ALL THAT
        • 24: DUMPED? GET SET FOR A NEW LIFE
        • 24: THE ‘SPARK IS DISAPPEARING—WHAT DO YOU DO?
        • 24: LOVE EACH OTHER AND ENJOY THE RIDE
      • 24: NATURAL DISASTERS, OIL AND DRIVE-THRUS >
        • 24: DTES - EYESORE OR OPPORTUNITY
    • POLITICS: COME FEEL THE NOISE >
      • THE PRESIDENT + CHILDREN TALKING
      • TRUMP VERSUS CANNABIS
      • WALL OR SHAG CARPETING
      • NO PLACE FOR POLITICS
      • 28 Questions about the Inauguration...
    • LOVE + SEX >
      • LOVESTRUCK
      • LADYBUG: HITCHING A RIDE
      • If it ends with a towel - it's not love
    • TRAVEL >
      • oh the places you'll go
      • Osoyoos
      • Border Wall
      • Greg from Germany Butts In
    • EXPERIMENTAL >
      • SOCIAL MEDIA - LOOK AT ME
      • Medium
      • I Was Scolded by a YouTube Book Reviewer
    • ASK SEED >
      • ASKED
      • bosom blues
      • jumbled conundrum
    • LISTS >
      • GO >
        • WORLD STATS
        • SEX?
        • CATS
      • WEATHER >
        • BC LIONS @ SASK
        • THE SPORTS PAGE
        • THE GOOD STUFF
    • WORLD >
      • NORTH AMERICA
      • Africa >
        • Africa Slides
      • Europe >
        • European Slides
        • Euro Trip - Oct 8 - Nov 7 - 2003
      • Asia >
        • Asia Slides
      • Oceania >
        • OCEANIA MAP
        • Oceania Slides
      • South America >
        • South America Slides
      • Central America >
        • Central America Slides
      • Caribbean >
        • CARIBBEAN MAP
        • Caribbean Slides
    • BE MY GUEST >
      • A fisherman and a Harvard MBA
      • what happens when you don't care
  • REVIEWS
    • i love it: 2021 >
      • i love it: page 1
      • i love it: page 2
      • i love it: page 3
    • TASTY
    • RECOMMENDED
    • YES - MAYBE - NO
    • ROCK BOTTOM
    • MY ULTIMATE BOOKS READ LIST
    • MY TOP 25 BOOKS
    • TO BE READ
    • i wrote >
      • Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories
      • BREAKFAST TELEVISION
  • FOOD
    • EAT: FAVORITES LISTS
    • L + J's Vancouver's Top Burgers
    • EATING DURING COVID
    • DRINKING DURING COVID
    • SUIKA
    • KOKOMO + THE JUICERY
    • TAKO: REVIEW OF A REVIEW
  • MUSIC
    • FAVOURITE MUSIC
    • FAVOURITE MOVIES + TELEVISION
    • MUSIC THEME CONTEST
    • NEXT SONG - MUSIC WAITING ROOM
  • TALK
    • Social
    • STORYBOARD >
      • i think
      • EVERYTHING
      • 24 Hours Template
      • images template
Time in Vancouver:

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MORE McCARTNEY

Vancouver’s summers rock. Long walks are almost a must in this immensely walkable city. Take that Los Angeles.

Yeah, take that.

Other than the damp cold of winter--

Lindsay, stay on topic, we’re in the middle of summer.

Back to walking, the only things that send me into a tizzy are the following:

  • Cyclists on the sidewalk.
  • Aggressive panhandlers (a rarity).
  • Skateboarders, mostly because it is my dream to become a tatted-up boarder, tearing my skin from bone in my attempts to NGAF and become woke, no wait, lit, crap, I mean, frap—I fucking hate--
  • Clipboard people.

These are the people on my long walks, on my long walks, on my long walks; these are the people in my neigbourhood, in my neighbourhood.
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“Hey, I’m wearing a blue shirt. Your shirt is blue. The sky is blue.” Clippie spins in a circle three times. “Your shirt is buttoned-up like mine, we’re kindred, we should talk?”

Hmm, should I make Clippie number 28? I confess to nothing. 
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“I like your hair. You shave it. What colour was it before you shaved it?” Spin. Dance. Smile. “I shaved once. We’re the same. Let’s chat.
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“I butter my toast. Cars are on the road. Look, I’m smiling.” Spin. Spin. Spin. “You can’t avoid me. I know you’re not talking on your phone. I have a phone. We should talk.”
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I must avoid. Screech. Sorry car driver. I can’t take it anymore. They’re everywhere. They even exiled the topless women throwing men wearing rugby pants off roofs of parking garages out of my dreams replacing them with, Hey, we should talk. Whew, street successfully froggered, jay-walked. Crap, there’s two more on this side. I duck through a parking lot, when I come out the other end, two more…they’re multiplying. I’m not insane.

​You’re insane. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

No, I will not put my tongue back in my mouth.

Finally, peace, a quick glance over my right shoulder—I’m in the clear. I turn back, and WHAM, on the curbside outside of London Drugs on Davie—a striking brunette pulls on her blue charity emblazoned vest. I thrust my phone to my ear. I ponder jay-walking. I pause for four seconds.

“Hey, I’m wearing a—”
​

For four seconds more my shoes melt into the concrete—my tongue twists—I remain dumbfoundedly silent—I walk on. 

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I’m panting. I’m locked in fear. I twitch. I keep swivelling my head from shoulder to shoulder gawking behind me to see if they’re following me, the CLIPBOARD PEOPLE and, the living dead, they’re not.  
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A thundering roar and a rolling of the sidewalk shook directly in front of me.

I’m dead. Crushed into the heated concrete by a rolled-up mass of—. I’m bleeding out. Life gushes from my veins staining this glorious summer day. I’m not insane.  

Eight-seconds of distraction, four blocks earlier, saved the above from being my reality.

I gingerly pull back the corners of the rolled-up mass, “Beatrice?”  — I don’t know anyone named Beatrice. I keep unrolling. Nobody.
​
I jay-walk to snatch a different perspective of what could have been. 
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Eight-seconds saved my life from a violent ending.

Lindsay, seven-seconds--
​
Sorry, you seem to be bleeding. Oh, my, you’ve stopped breathing. Oh well, 27 CLIPBOARD PEOPLE, 1CIVILIAN. I’m not sorry. 
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I have a muscle spasm and shove a tree branch into the spokes of a cyclist riding by on the sidewalk. 2 CIVILIANS.

I stop at one of my favourite watering holes. I have a beer. Only five-blocks more to navigate until home. I have another beer. I begin meandering home.
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A panhandler is attempting to latch onto a pair of elderly female tourists(?)

“I need money. Give me money. I want some of your money. Give me.” Spit falls from his mouth spattering on the sidewalk.

“Excuse me.” Flies out of my mouth in a deep, ragged, beer-induced tone.

“What?”

“Leave these ladies alone.”

“What are you doing? Why are you following me?”

“Well, I’m following you to give you a dose of what you are doing to these fine ladies. I’ve seen you stalk people before. So, I’ve decided to follow you around for the rest of the day. Sort of like being an intern. I’m shadowing you.”

“Stop it.”

“No.”

“If you don’t stop, I will come back and kill everyone on this street.”

I go home.

If I was forced to put honesty to page: upon arriving home, I felt like an un-woke, un-lit, frappless ass for stalking someone who’s life cards have likely sucked in comparison to most of us. I claim to be empathetic. I claim that I try to understand. I claim--

But, after a few deep breaths of reflection, I realise all is not lost, after all: I typed the last paragraph. 
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revised version: february 16 - 2019
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a shirt's tale
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